It’s gonna get better. Like, for serious. Yes, I’ve been miserable, and yes, I’ve been told off because someone doesn’t want an “absentee girlfriend”, but someone told me today that I’ll be fine. And that I’m young enough to totally be outgoing and friendly, and that somewhere, somehow, just maybe someone will want to keep me around no matter where I go, or where I end up, and despite how little sleep I get. I’m hoping that’s not a dream. Eh. Probably is.
I’m scared my roommate is gonna freak out if I tell her I’m a lesbian. She’s super Christian. What if she’s like the other girls I met who were totally intolerant? I’m scared. For once, I’m seriously apprehensive. I should call my advisor tomorrow. She knows how to handle that. Any other ideas?
The living room, for the first time in almost 4 months, is clean and devoid of extraneous objects.
My closet is 70% empty, mainly home for empty hangers and my towel that I failed to hang up this morning.
My cat keeps looking at me as if saying, “The hell are you doing? Where are you going?” I can’t even joke about it anymore.
I told James that I didn’t think he would or should leave Florida; I tell him because he wouldn’t be happy. I meant that I didn’t want to put up with his rages and complaints when it snows. I…I don’t want to define my feelings for him any more. What’s the point?
I was going to go see him tomorrow. Then decided not to be so naive.
My family is excited. They all came to pack the car this evening. We prayed. I’m not as ecstatic. Mom can sense I’m scared, but is smart enough to know there’s nothing she can do right now. You know shit gets real when mommy magic doesn’t work anymore.
So here I lie, crying silently, watching “Gays of the Week” and funny songs to try and stop shaking. The tea I had has long since worn off, and my stuffed dog Shepherd provides my main source of comfort.
Today, too, was my last support group, and I was asked how I handle life changes. And this is how.
And to my room and stuff. Which is FANTASTIC. Guess what I forgot?
My fucking wires.
The only wire I packed, stupid me, was my phone charger. So no uploading any photos I take with my camera for a few weeks.
Other than that, I’m good. There’s this girl down the hall…must investigate.
I just booked a flight for my mom to come from Sarasota to Baltimore for Family Weekend! I’m so happy. Like, no lie. I’m squealing. I think us being apart is going to make us so much closer when we’re together.
This is making me want to make the most of the next two weeks. I hope the coach here will let my untalented ass join the tennis team (and I swear I’ll work hard and do better; my serve just sucks), and I wanna do SUPER well in school so my teachers can talk well of me so she know me being here is good…I just want to see her happy. Because she’s so adorable when she’s happy. My mom’s so cute. <3
But I’m running on dinner, adrenaline, and ginger ale right now.
My question is (and I hope people ACTUALLY answer), is:
What motivates you to be totally awesome?
I thought it was a couple minutes after midnight, judging by the voice level of my roommate.
But I don’t have class tomorrow, and don’t have to be anywhere in particular until about 5. But, in lieu of books to lull me, and my roommate getting increasingly angry on the phone, I must find amusement in Access’s 90’s videos, Star Trek, and here.
Well, not really; just the theme, which I’m beginning to not like because I can’t have music playing on it, but that’s okay.
In other news, today’s the day College of Notre Dame of Maryland becomes Notre Dame of Maryland University. My school is so cool. <3
The feeling you get when a bunch of people on a crowded bus ask about the Kim Possible ringtone they hear and you smile because it’s yours.
Like a boss.
I need to make some connections off-campus; getting a date here is not in the cards.
This is why I’m in college.
3) Dancing and singing naked when the roommate’s out for the weekend.